I, being the mother-of-the-year I am, had no money on me. Not one gourde (the Haitian currency). It was hot-we live in Port au Prince, AKA "city of radiating heat off the pavement," and every 15 steps or so we would walk past someone selling ice cold drinks in a cooler.
After about 20 minutes of pulling the "mommy juice" 2 year old I snapped. I bent down to Odessa's level and said, "Honey- I have no juice, I have no money but we have ice in the freezer at home and we're almost there. Just keep walking. Please!"
She looked up at me with her big brown eyes and said, "Carry me."
What?!? Riiiight...my little girl has gotten way too big for me to carry her up and down the hills of Port au Prince in the last couple months.
But those eyes...
Already sweating, I shifted my bag and he bookbag to one arm and pulled my almost 3 year old up in my other arm.
This was somehow easier than hearing, "Mommy juice" one more time :)
And then I started. Not out loud but in my head.
I imagine it sounded something like this in the Lord's ear:
"God-I'm tired. Really tired. Not just today. But I don't know how much longer I can take this. i just want a break. I've been in the states for one week out of the last 17 months! This is ridiculous! I came to Haiti-wasn't that sacrafice enough? But here I am with a 2 1/2 year old child, no car, in a huge city. Lord I used to have a life. A Nice life. I used to have friends, a vehicle, indoor plumbing throughout my house. But Lord I'm tired. Really tired."
We finally made it home. Both of us sweating like pigs. And we enjoyed some ice cold juice.
When I laid her in bed tonight I talked to her about patience. Ironic huh? After my whining fest with the Lord this afternoon? Like I said, Mother-of-the-year here.
I am getting ready for bed now and going to "redo" that chat I had with the Lord earlier.
How many times have I prayed hanging on the Lord's hand with my feet dragging behind me, eyes down on the pavement? Begging, whining for him just to make it better.
And sometimes He tells me to keep walking. But I have the assurance I am never walking alone.
And I know when I just can't take another step...I can look up and say, "Carry me."
Carry me through this adoption process because I am tired of the red-tape of governments.
Carry me through another day in the office because I am tired of the sickness and disease where there is not adequate medical care.
Carry me through another weekend without friends and family.
Carry me through handwashing our laundry in the bathtub-on second thought Lord, just knock me out for that one...
"The Lord himself will go before you. He will be with you; he will not leave you or forget you. Don't be afraid and don't worry."
"Come to me, all of you who are tired and have heavy loads, and I will give you rest."